Need You Now
by Anne Bensler
Summary: A different take on EO, set one week after season 13, episode 1. It was a one-shot but a second and third part have been added!
1. Need You Now

**"Need You Now"**

 **Each time I hear this song (credit: Lady Antebellum) I think of Benson and Stabler, so I just had to do something with it. Setting is a week after episode 1 of season 13. Enjoy!**

...

He can't believe he's actually done it.

He has called her.

After weeks of silence between them, dozens of ignored calls and messages, he has caved.

 _Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor._  
 _Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore._

She's stopped calling a while ago and that had bothered him. He knows he's been an asshole. He should have picked up long ago. Should have answered her and not ignored her. He can't blame her for stopping. But it bothers him. He's listened to all her voice messages a thousand times and her voice alone has helped him get through the darkest weeks of his life. Her voice, pleading with him to talk to her. To talk to someone. Anyone. To let her know he is alright. And he has ignored her and then she stopped calling eventually. She has gone on with her life without him and he wonders if she ever thinks about him anymore.

 _And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?_  
 _For me it happens all the time._

And now he's done it.

He's called her.

And she didn't answer.

He wants to hurl his phone at the nearest wall but he doesn't do it. His frustration is nothing compared to what she must have felt all those weeks. So he calls again and leaves a message. And now he waits.

 _It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now._  
 _Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now._  
 _And I don't know how I can do without._  
 _I just need you now._

She can't believe it.

He's called her.

After weeks of silence between them, dozens of ignored calls and messages, she has finally received a sign of life from him. Part of her has been numb while another part of her has continued to wait for him to come strolling into the squad room one day, as if nothing has happened. Everything would finally return to normal then.

 _Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door._  
 _Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before._

But he hasn't come. He hasn't returned and then last week, Cragen told her he's put his papers in. Just like that. The part of her that had continued to wait for him, died that morning and she's been completely numb ever since. The only thing keeping her going now is helping other people not be numb anymore. She keeps going for the victims. The survivors. And she hates herself for thinking about him still.

 _And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?_  
 _For me it happens all the time._

She listens to his message for the third time. It's really him. It's his voice. That low voice she's missed hearing and that sends a chill down her spine, even now, even if it's distorted because it's a phone message.

"Liv, I'm sorry. Please pick up. I need ..."

He sighs then and she wants to cry because hearing him sigh hurts her so badly. It cuts through her numbness like a knife.

"I just ..."

She swallows hard because she hears him swallow.

"Can we meet? Please?"

That last word is her undoing. It's a mere whisper but it keeps echoing in her mind. She remembers the countless times she got no answer and she wants him to feel what she's felt. The sheer powerlessness, not being able to reach someone.

 _Please_ , he whispers inside her head. He sounds desperate and his despair resonates with her because it's what she's felt, until she decided to stop feeling altogether. But no matter how hard she tries not to feel, not to feel anything, not to feel anything for him, she can't stop it. Not now. Not even after drinking almost an entire a bottle of wine. She doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. And then she grabs her phone again and presses the call button. She caves.

 _It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now._  
 _Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now._  
 _And I don't know how I can do without._  
 _I just need you now._

Their conversation is brief. Extremely brief. They have never needed a lot of words anyway.

"Liv."

"Yeah."

"God, Liv."

"Where are you?"

"143 Bowery, China Town."

"Wait for me."

"I will. Thanks Liv."

She must be out of her mind to rush outside to hail a cab after midnight. She has no idea how he's doing but it doesn't seem to matter. The way he sighed her name tells her everything she needs to know. He needs her. Nothing else matters. And so she goes to him. She doesn't feel numb anymore. She doesn't know how she will find him at that hotel but she knows he's there and it's enough. Her heart beats again. She is going to him, not because she's drunk but because it's the only thing to do. She needs him too.

 _Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all._

He waits for her, the door to his room wide open. He knows she's on her way. It's as if he can feel her getting closer and his heart beats again. It's been hell without her. He tried to do it, he honestly did, but he can't do it anymore. He can't deny it anymore and he thinks his wife knows that's why he is in this hotel room now. He knows it's wrong what they are doing but Olivia is on her way and there is no going back now. He needs her and he knows she knows it. She wouldn't have told him to wait for her if she didn't.

He's checked into the cheapest room in the city he could find, a dorm style room that is rented out to men only. He has to share the bathroom with other guests but he doesn't care. He just wanted to be alone. He doesn't know if he's ever moving back to Queens. Maybe after tonight, he'll know what to do. They've always managed to help each other focus on what's important.

Right now, he is completely focused on her. Olivia. His partner. For better or worse he told her once and he knows he shouldn't have left the way he has. He can only hope it isn't too late for them. Knowing she is rushing over to see him without even asking why he's decided to call her now, should tell him it isn't too late. She'll be here soon.

She can barely form a coherent thought as she stares out the window of the cab. It's dark and it's chilly outside but she doesn't feel it. She hasn't even bothered to grab her coat. All she can think of is him. Her partner, for better or worse. He needs her. The emotion in his voice tells her she has been on his mind this whole time and he aches for her like she aches for him.

 _Please_.

She has caved, giving in to her own need for him. She can be angry tomorrow and yell at him for ignoring her calls. She is too weak to ignore his call tonight.

 _It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now._  
 _And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now._

Their eyes lock and they are drawn to each other like two magnets.

His arms are around her and she closes her eyes, her breath catching in her throat. She inhales his scent and she's back there with him in the squad room. In the interrogation room. In their car. In the courtroom. She breathes again.

She is trembling and he holds her tighter, burying his nose in her long dark hair. His breathing is ragged and he can't find the words to tell her how happy he is to see her again. Happy doesn't begin to cover it. He feels as if he's been out in the freezing cold for too long and someone has finally pulled him into a warm, comfortable house. A home. He feels like he's coming home.

He pulls her into his small hotel room and locks the door behind them. She pushes him up against the door, her palms on his chest, and anger flashes in her eyes when she hisses,

"What took you so long!"

He opens his mouth to speak but no sound comes out. He is still holding her and he wants to tell her that he's scared shitless of what they may unleash in each other and of the consequences if they do this. That he's tried to deny it. Then tried to forget it. But it's too strong and he just couldn't stay away anymore.

She's staring into his eyes. It's as if she's reading his mind and he lowers his head, sighing.

"I know," Olivia whispers and he is overcome with emotion when he realizes that she truly does. She knows what he's been thinking and she understands.

"I'm scared too," Olivia admits.

Then his lips are on hers and she moans. She knew this was going to happen but she's hardly had time to realize it. His kiss, his taste is intoxicating. He's been drinking too and they drink each other in, remembering each other and giving in to everything they were never allowed to give in to as partners. They shouldn't be doing it now either but they need it.

 _And I don't know how I can do without.  
_ _I just need you now._

Their tongues tangle and her hands are all over him, tugging his shirt up and roaming his chest and back. He whips his shirt off and tosses it across the room.

His lips travel from her mouth to her neck and collarbone, and then down to her chest. She arches into his touch and her shirt follows his to the floor.

Their bodies tell their stories the way no words could. Not for them. They can talk in the morning. Right now, they just need. They need to feel, to breathe, to live again. They move as one, in sync like they used to be, but together in a way they never dared to be. Skin on skin, bodies merging together until neither of them knows where one ends and the other begins. They whisper as they get closer to the edge. They whisper each others' names and other words that are only spoken between lovers in the dark.

His body covers hers completely but she knows he isn't overpowering her.

She surrenders to him but he knows he isn't in control.

Neither of them is in control. This thing between them has been out of their control from the beginning. Maybe they needed to be apart for them to realize it, only to be pulled together again by these ties that bind them. That make them inseparable, even when separated. That make their hearts yearn for each other, no matter how much time passes by. That make them give in to each other now, all consequences be damned.

 _I just need you now._  
 _Oh, baby, I need you now._

...


	2. Nothing Really Matters

**Finally a second chapter formed, making this a two-shot. The song is "Nothing really matters" by Mr. Probz, a Dutch artist with a unique voice. I recommend listening to the song while you read!**

...

 **2\. Nothing really matters**

He knows she is awake. They are lying together in silence, both caught up in their own thoughts. He is spooning her, her head resting on his left arm and his right arm wrapped around her. She's playing with the fingers of his right hand, that is resting in front of her on the mattress, and he realizes that this is what he's been missing. It's strange in a way because he's never had it before, but holding her like this, even in a cheap hotel room in a bed that can barely hold both of them, feels right. He's alright now because he can sense that she's alright. And that's all that truly matters.

 _When she's okay_  
 _Then I'm alright_  
 _When she's awake_  
 _I'm up all night_  
 _Nothing really matters_  
 _Nothing really matters_

He never realized how much he depended on her until she wasn't there. He should have known the first time, when she was off to Oregon, but it's like it has finally sunk in this time. Maybe that's because this time, it was his doing. He is the one who left without a word. He'd thought that he would miss her less as time went on, but the truth is, he only missed her more.

He can't really blame Kathy. In the end, all he had with Kathy was kids and sex. He's fought for his family, he really has. It's what a responsible adult does and they had to grow up fast. It wasn't fair, on both of them, and it still isn't. He still feels that a man needs to take responsibility for his actions and that he did the right thing, staying with Kathy when he got her pregnant at 17. But maybe it's time to let it go at last. Aside from Eli, the kids are all grown up now and Kathy is tired. They both are. They are exhausted from trying to keep their marriage going. When he moved out to the hotel, he could see in her eyes that she knew he wasn't coming back. He hadn't known it himself then but now he does. Because of Olivia.

 _I see her face_  
 _And in my mind_  
 _I seize the day_  
 _Whenever she's nearby_  
 _It's like nothing really matters, no_  
 _Nothing really matters_

He had hoped to find answers by meeting with her and he has. It's never been clearer to him than it is right now.

 _She completes me_  
 _How she reads me_  
 _Right or wrong_

 _It's so clear she's_  
 _All that I need_  
 _All I need_

This is it. No matter how wrong it may seem, his life has never felt more right than it does in this instance. He is at peace with himself and it amazes him because he had expected to feel guilty. He wonders now if he should feel guilty for feeling no guilt at all. He knows he's given it his all and he has finally stopped blaming himself for the failure of his marriage. It isn't anyone's fault and it's best for everyone to end it. He feels like he can breathe again and he nuzzles his nose in Olivia's dark locks. She is the reason he can breathe again.

 _I know what it feels like_  
 _I know what it feels like_  
 _Swimming through the stars when I see her_  
 _And I don't need air 'cause I breathe her_

 _I know what it feels like_  
 _I know what it feels like_  
 _I breathe her_  
 _I breathe her_  
 _Every time I see her_  
 _Every time I see her, oh_

Olivia shifts in his arms and he makes room for her when she turns around to face him. He hooks his right leg over her left leg to make sure she doesn't fall off the bed. Or maybe it's to make sure they continue to make as much contact as physically possible. It doesn't matter. He looks into her eyes and he knows he's home. She is his beacon. He can see her love for him in her eyes and he closes his eyes when she kisses him.

He's never seen her like this. So calm and composed. So utterly sure of what she's doing. It only confirms his own belief that this is right. He can finally see clearly again and everything suddenly makes sense. Because of her.

 _When I'm lost_  
 _And need a sign_  
 _She leads the way_  
 _And I'll be fine_  
 _Nothing really matters_  
 _Nothing really matters_

Her hands are reading his body as if it's talking to her in braille. His body has no choice but to respond to her touch. He kisses her more deeply and the deep throaty moan that she produces makes him want to envelop her completely. He wants to hold her just like this always, to shield her from the world, to keep her safe and to keep her with him, where she belongs.

 _She completes me_  
 _How she reads me_  
 _Right or wrong_

 _It's so clear she's_  
 _All that I need_  
 _All I need, yeah_

Her lips follow her hands and he is moved by the love that shows in the way she touches him and explores his body. They move slowly now, no longer desperate to find each other. He has been found. She has been found. She is all he needs to breathe.

 _I know what it feels like_  
 _I know what it feels like_  
 _Swimming through the stars when I see her_  
 _And I don't need air 'cause I breathe her_

 _I know what it feels like_  
 _I know what it feels like, yeah_  
 _I breathe her_  
 _I breathe her_  
 _Every time I see her_  
 _Every time I see her, oh_

He looks up at her in amazement when she climbs over him and his hands move up her torso on their own accord. She sighs when he cups her full breasts and each breath she expels, breathes more life back into him. She stares down at him and he wants to move her back a little so he can be inside her again. He gasps when she leans forward so she can slide her body over his. She's soft, warm, wet and inviting and she smiles when she feels his body respond strongly to her. Her smile warms him and her hair, tickling his skin when she leans down to kiss his chest, is like a summer breeze. She is life.

 _Every time I see her, oh_  
 _Every time I see her, oh_

He surrenders completely to her, dropping his arms above his head on the pillow to show her that he is hers. He sees in her dark eyes that she knows. When she moves again and they begin another dance of love, it's a slow dance. They keep looking at each other, looking through each other, and they find everything they've ever wanted. Everything that's been missing from their lives. Everything they will ever need. And he knows that she's okay now. All traces of doubt and fear are gone and what is left is love. A love that transcends the physical love they are giving to each other now. And he knows that when she's alright, then so is he. Nothing else matters anymore.

 _Well she's O.K._  
 _And I'm all right_  
 _When she's awake_  
 _I'm up all night_  
 _Nothing really matters_  
 _Nothing really matters_

...


	3. I don't want to miss a thing

**Last little chapter in this three-shot. Enjoy!**

...

 **3\. I don't want to miss a thing**

She can't stop looking at him. He's really here and this is really happening. She knew they would be explosive together and at times she had wondered if they would be destructive. She isn't used to letting people get close to her but with Elliot, it's always been different. She knows now that they are explosive, but not destructive. And she can't get enough of them. Of him.

 _I could stay awake  
_ _Just to hear you breathing  
_ _Watch you smile while you are sleeping  
_ _While you're far away and dreaming_

He looks so peaceful. So content. She's never seen him like this in all the years she's known him. Granted, she's never seen him naked and she's never been naked with him before, but that's not all that's different. It's not even the most important thing that's different. He looks like he belongs. They belong. It's exactly how she feels as well. She cherishes this feeling that is so completely new.

 _I could spend my life_ _In this sweet surrender  
_ _I could stay lost in this moment forever  
_ _Where every moment spent with you  
_ _Is a moment I treasure_

He opens his eyes and turns his head to look at her. A lazy smile plays on his lips. Content, she thinks again. He feels like home.

"Can't sleep?" he asks.

"I don't wanna," she answers lazily and she grins when he raises an eyebrow. "I just want to look at you a little longer."

 _Don't want to close my eyes  
_ _I don't want to fall asleep  
_ _'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
_ _And I don't want to miss a thing_

"I'm not going anywhere Liv. I promise. I'm here to stay for as long as you'll have me," Elliot tells her and she knows he means it.

Everything is different now. All the dreams she'd pushed aside, telling herself she was being stupid and he was married and he would never be hers ... they were all back only they weren't dreams anymore. They were real. And her dreams paled in comparison to the real thing.

 _'Cause, even when I dream of you  
_ _The sweetest dream will never do  
_ _I'd still miss you, babe  
_ _And I don't want to miss a thing_

She caresses his chest and places a few soft kisses on his skin. His chest hair tickles her nose and she inhales his scent. He smells of deodorant and sweat and the musky smell of his bed, mixed with something she can only describe as _Elliot_.

Elliot turns into her and captures her lips with his own, and she lets go. Finally, _finally_ , she can let go. His warm hands caress her back and her ass, and one hand moves down the back of her thigh until he holds her leg in place behind her knee. Now that his hand has stopped moving, his mouth begins its own journey down her body. She gasps when he finds her sweet spots and when he rocks his body against hers, making her feel how much she affects him again already. He makes love to her body with his mouth and his hands and she lets him. He is reading her and adjusting his ministrations to maximize her pleasure and she almost wants to cry. Nobody has ever made love to her like this, as if she's the most important thing in the entire world. As if she's everything. It's all for her, he insists. He doesn't expect her to return the favor right away, just to enjoy it. And she basks in it. Probably for the first time in her life, she allows herself to be loved and to accept that someone loves her. She finally knows what it means to cry from happiness.

When she is completely sated, Elliot wraps her in his arms and holds her close to him, kissing the crown of her head from time to time until he drifts off to sleep again. He is content and so is she. She listens to his breathing evening out and the strong beating of his heart.

 _Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating  
_ _And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
_ _Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
_ _Then I kiss your eyes  
_ _And thank God we're together  
_ _I just want to stay with you in this moment forever  
_ _Forever and ever_ _  
_

 _I don't want to close my eyes  
_ _I don't want to fall asleep  
_ _'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
_ _And I don't want to miss a thing  
_ _'Cause, even when I dream of you  
_ _The sweetest dream will never do  
_ _I'd still miss you, babe  
_ _And I don't want to miss a thing_

He smiles when she kisses the corner of his mouth. She just can't resist it and she loves his smile. He is finally giving her his whole smile, without holding anything back.

 _I don't want to miss one smile  
_ _I don't want to miss one kiss  
_ _I just want to be with you  
_ _Right here with you, just like this_

She pulls him on top of her and they both laugh when they almost fall out of the narrow bed. After some shifting, she has him where she wants him, the weight of his body a warm blanket on top of her, his hips fitting perfectly between her own. He is leaning on his elbows, smiling down at her and she caresses his cheeks lovingly.

 _I just want to hold you close  
_ _Feel your heart so close to mine  
_ _And just stay here in this moment  
_ _For all the rest of time_

"This is it, isn't it?" she whispers and she swallows hard after saying the words out loud.

"Yeah," Elliot says, and she recognizes the same emotion in his eyes.

"I just wanna look at you," she admits.

"I meant what I said Liv. You can't get rid of me now even if you tried."

She smiles and nudges him until he moves in to kiss her softly on the lips. She closes her eyes and before she can change her mind, she whispers against his lips,

"I love you."

She feels his chest tremble when he exhales shakily and she is aware of the significance of this moment. She's said it first. She is open now. Exposed. And she's no longer afraid. Elliot responds by kissing her deeply and she feels a tear fall on her cheek. It's his tear. He is crying because he knows now that she won't run away. She is all in like he is, and she is accepting that she is worthy to be loved. When they break apart Elliot grins at her and tells her,

"Now I don't want to sleep either. You are so much better than all my dreams combined. I love you too, Olivia."

 _I don't want to close my eyes  
_ _I don't want to fall asleep  
_ _Cause I'd miss you babe  
_ _And I don't want to miss a thing  
_ _Cause even when I dream of you  
_ _The sweetest dream will never do  
_ _I'd still miss you babe  
_ _And I don't want to miss a thing_

…

 **The End**


End file.
